What is Spiritual Abuse? How to Heal and Reclaim Your Faith
This will be a heavy article. If you are reading this because you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of spiritual abuse, know you are not alone, and the heartfelt prayer of my soul is for you.
Spiritual abuse is a wound that doesn’t show on the surface, yet cuts deeper than most can understand. It wounds not only the heart but also the soul, it distorts the image of God, manipulates Scripture, and breaks trust in the Church. It causes some to lose their faith altogether. For others, it leaves a lingering ache that makes it hard to trust again.
In recent years, more Christians are finding the courage to name their experience: spiritual abuse. But what exactly is it? How do we recognize it? How can we walk with someone who has been hurt by a pastor or leader? And perhaps most painfully: how can someone ever return to their faith after being spiritually abused?
Spiritual abuse happens when a spiritual authority, usually a pastor, leader, or institution, uses their position to control, coerce, manipulate, or shame someone in the name of God. This form of abuse often goes unnoticed because it's cloaked in religious language or justified with Scripture. But the result is always the same: harm, distortion of truth, and a sense of alienation from God.
Spiritual abuse can look like:
Weaponizing Scripture to control behavior
Shaming someone for questioning or leaving a church
Teaching that obedience to leadership is equal to obedience to God
Suppressing dissent or honest questions
Using fear (hell, curses, exclusion) to enforce compliance
Prioritizing institutional reputation over individual safety
Marginalizing or silencing victims of sin or injustice
This kind of abuse doesn’t just injure, it inverts the gospel. It turns good news into a burden, turns spiritual leadership into domination, and uses God's name to justify harm. All of these are atrocities that must be called out. Victims should be treated with the utmost love and respect, as they have been harmed in their minds and in their souls. This kind of behavior from leaders in the church is not just bad in an institutional sense, it is abhorrent to Jesus himself.
We as Christians should be more like Christ. We think of that as loving, caring, and gentle. That is true, but those who distort the image and message of God for personal gain or power should not be treated so gently. Jesus was never soft on spiritual abusers. In Matthew 23, He delivers a searing rebuke to the religious leaders of His day, the scribes and Pharisees, who “tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger.”
Jesus calls them:
Hypocrites
Blind guides
Whitewashed tombs
Sons of hell
Why? Because they misrepresented God. They distorted the Law. They devoured the vulnerable. They abused their spiritual power. In today’s terms, Jesus called out spiritual abuse, loudly, publicly, and without remorse.
If you’ve experienced this kind of abuse, know this: Jesus is not indifferent. He is not silent. And He is not on the side of the abuser.
Spiritual abuse often masquerades as “discipleship,” “correction,” or “church discipline.” But over time, it creates confusion, fear, and internal shame.
You may have been spiritually abused if you:
Constantly fear disappointing your pastor or God
Feel pressure to perform or suppress doubts
Were punished for setting boundaries or asking questions
Were shamed into silence about your trauma
Struggle to pray or attend church without anxiety
Were told leaving a church is “rebellion” or “sin”
Felt emotionally or psychologically manipulated using Scripture
These signs don’t mean you’re weak or oversensitive. They mean someone used sacred things to harm you, and that harm is real.
If you’re walking with someone who has been spiritually wounded, your job isn’t to fix them; it’s to be present, patient, and pastoral. We are instruments of Christ. Be a loving, constant, and understanding companion. Let the Holy Spirit work through you with love and patience. Here are some practical tips for how to walk with someone:
Listen without defense. Don’t rush to protect the Church. Let them share their pain.
Validate their experience. Say, “What happened to you was wrong. I believe you.”
Avoid spiritual clichés. “God has a plan,” or “Maybe you misunderstood,” can reopen wounds.
Be slow to give advice. Healing is not a formula. It takes time and trust.
Offer spiritual companionship, not pressure. Don’t push them back to church or Bible study. Let the Spirit lead them gently.
Spiritual abuse isn’t healed by more spiritual pressure. It’s healed by safety, truth, and love. Let them heal on their time and God’s time. It may take weeks, months, years, decades, even. Your job is to be an instrument of Christ, not yet another stone weighing them down with spiritual guilt because they’re not healing as fast as YOU want. It isn’t about you.
If you’ve been spiritually abused, you may feel disoriented. Maybe you’ve walked away from church. Maybe you’ve walked away from God. That’s understandable. Don’t let someone tell you you’re being silly. I wrote an entire article on The Best Reason for Atheism for a reason, because pain is real. If you’ve walked away, that’s okay. But there is one thing I want you to know:
What happened to you was not God.
The abuse you endured was a betrayal of who Jesus is, not a reflection of His character. Healing takes time. And reclaiming your faith doesn’t mean returning to the place of pain. It means rebuilding your life in Christ. If you feel a desire to return to Church or return to Christ, here are some steps you can take:
Start with Jesus Himself. Go back to the Gospels. Watch how He treats the broken, the doubting, the angry. That’s the heart of God.
Quiet spaces. Don’t force yourself into crowded churches or noisy gatherings. Walk, journal, cry, pray. Let grace come in silence.
Safe community. Look for small, healthy spaces such as trauma-informed pastors, house churches, and therapy groups.
Reread Scripture. Not as a weapon, but as healing. Begin with the Psalms, Isaiah 61, and Matthew 11.
Therapy and counseling. There is no shame in seeking professional help. God works through counselors, too. If your former church was against Mental Health counseling, then know that was wrong, they were wrong, and therapy is a wonderful tool for everyone.
Your pain matters to God. And so does your faith journey. Don’t rush. Just start by taking the next gentle step.
To the spiritually abused:
You are NOT a heretic.
You are NOT too broken.
You are NOT outside the reach of grace.
You are loved deeply, fiercely, and completely. The church may have failed you. A pastor may have harmed you. But Jesus has not forsaken you. He is the Good Shepherd who leaves the ninety-nine to find the one. You are the one. Come home, not to an institution, but to Christ. His arms are open. His voice is kind. His gospel is still good.
A Word to Church Leaders
If you are a pastor, elder, or spiritual leader reading this, and you have participated in, covered up, or justified spiritual abuse, hear this with full weight: you are accountable before God. Christ condemns you, I condemn you, the cloud of witnesses around us bear knowledge of your moral and spiritual failings and will not shelter you from the wrath of God you justly deserve. Ezekiel 34 speaks directly to you:
“Woe to the shepherds of Israel who feed themselves! Should not the shepherds feed the flock? … You have ruled them harshly and brutally. So they were scattered because there was no shepherd.”
The New Testament likewise calls you personally to account. James 3:1 warns that teachers will be judged with greater strictness. Hebrews 13:17 says leaders are watching over souls, a responsibility for which you should feel honor and dread. A pastor is not holier; he is no better than his flock. Pastors are fallen people, sinners, but on your shoulders stands the responsibility of shepherding souls to salvation. If your actions have caused some to fall away, have caused some to risk damnation, then the fate of their eternal soul becomes your condemnation. You have killed them and will bear the brunt of that responsibility on Judgement Day.
To abuse that trust is not just a leadership failure; it is spiritual violence. If you are guilty, repentance is NOT optional. Public harm requires public repentance, accountability, and a lifetime of repair. Do not dare speak in Christ’s name until you’ve been broken and humbled before Him, lest you add to your own damnation by speaking falsely in the name of God.