The Lake (July 22, 2020

I sat up, the cold sweat running down my forehead and back, it had all been so real, it had been real, just to long ago. I had to let go, I had to move on.

I spun putting my feet down the ground. The old floorboards creaked as did the old mattress. I stood up and the moment the blanket fell away I was instantly freezing. Winter had not yet come but the fall was already rapidly dropping the temperature. I squatted down and fumbled for my pants in the darkness. 

I found them and yanked them on. Then touching one hand to the wall I walked slowly, the glow coming from the furnace had gotten low. The warm spring had left me lazy. This was the first time I had started it in nearly six months. 

I opened the metal door and tossed in a piece of wood. Then blew to get the flames going. I wouldn't put more in, the day would be hot, I could already tell. And the sun would be rising soon, so I would not need the light long.

Pacing across the small space to the opposite wall I pulled the lighter that was still in my pocket, because it was always in my pocket out. I sparked it, the small flame danced merrily from the small device. I released the nob and let the flame die.

I looked at the gas burner. All I needed to do was turn on both of those burners and walk away. Then come back and spark. It would all be over. This living nightmare, I closed my eyes, their faces still so clear. 

No, I was the last one left. I had to go on. If not for an individual then for everyone, all of them. I was the only one left. 

I quickly readied the coffee pot and place it on the burner. Every time I turned on the burner I worried it would be the last of the gas. And when I ran out, then what? Minutes latter I was pushing open my door with a fresh cup of coffee into the misty morning.

The lake sat out just a dozen feet from the raised porch. I carefully stepped over the hole in the deck and walked to the railing. 

The mist seemed to steam from the surface of the lake. I looked around and saw the same view as I had everyday for the last year. Trees and water. Beyond the trees was more trees. There was nothing beyond this place right now. 

The silence was deafening here. Nothing, no one. After it had happened I had fled, so much death. Thankfully they couldn't find me here.

As I drained the last of the cup I heard it. An animals scream. It shattered the air and just as quickly as it had come, it was cut off. That had been close. There were wolves and other worse things. But they didn't come close to the cabin. Nothing did. That's why I was here, safe.

I needed to know. I ran back inside the single room cabin. I fumbled on my socks and boots. I reached under the bed and pulled out the rifle. 

I check the magazine loaded. Thankfully granddad had been a prepper type. So bullets were probably never going to be a worry for me.

Using the strap I slung it on my back and stepped back out into the cool morning. I ventured down the steps and started walking the game trail I had so many times before. 

The trail encircled the lake in meandering fashion. And was about a mile, maybe two,  all the way around. 

The lake some how, always seemed to be a projection of my own internal thoughts. When I was happy it was bright and calm. 

I hurried along the path. It was then that it occurred to me, I might never find where the noise had come from. But I at least had to check.

I started down the other side of a small hill. And I looked back towards the lake. It was black. The mist, instead of deceasing with the slowly growing light as I would have thought, almost seemed like it was growing, reaching out for me.  

I looked away and continued scanning the woods. This season, and especially this far north meant that a lot of the underbrush had died off with the first freeze.

There was nothing, the woods were silent. Normally there would be all kinds of animals, all coming to drink from the lake. But today, this morning, there was nothing. 

I came into the pine forest. So, about a third of the way around. I slowed down my walk, there was no need to be any hurry. If it took me the whole day to walk around the lake, that would be okay. There would be no one waiting for me. I was the only left after all.

I kept walking and slowed as I came down the steep part of the trail. I glanced towards the lake, through the trees, directly on the other side was the cabin. 

I heard a sound. I couldn't tell what it was but it made me look back towards the woods. And there, unnoticed by me was a deer.

The deer was lying on it's side, clearly dead. I slung the rifle off of my shoulders and walked towards the dead animal. 

I knelt down. It's entire side had been slashed open. Bear, but bears didn't just leave the prey. I smelt it right before I heard the growl. I looked up. A dozen paces ahead, a grizzly bear.

It roared and before I could even lift my rifle it charged. I saw it's eyes. 

Dad was laughing. Even my Granddad had come over for this. Finally done with college. I had what my mom had called 'a high paying big boy job.' 

But today was a special day. With my first few paychecks I had finally bought my own car. I had been using my parents car until I went to college. For the next five years during college and the year after it had been bus central for me. 

James came out the door to admire my used crossover. Granddad clapped me on the shoulder, "nice to see that law degree is good for something else." 

James hit me on the shoulder, "so when are we gonna go on a drive?" There had always been an age gap between me and my brother, but it had never matter. It had always been the two of us.

"Now I guess." 

"Sound like a plan." Granddad said.

"I would love to." Dad said. He was still beaming, I had  not seen him this proud since when I graduated college. He had worked two jobs to give me and my brother the life we had.

"Alright, its a plan." I got in the drivers set. My dad in the passages seat. My brother got in behind me, and my granddad in back passages side.

I started the engine and we pulled out of the driveway.

I wiped the rifle and cocked it in one breath. I pulled the trigger. The beast roared not even stumbling, it lifted to it's hind legs and swiped, the strap snapped and the gun went flying. 

I dove to the right as the beast roared falling down where my head had been moments before. I tucked and rolled hitting the dirt hard. 

I turned around, no weapon, I can't out run it, can't climb, swim or fight, I was going to die. The bear, easily four times my weight. It growled bearing it's teeth. It started advancing slowly.

I put my foot on the break and the car came to a stop. All four of us had just been laughing at Granddad how had just made a joke that he couldn't understand why it was funny.

James laughed. "Granddad. Please don't try and figure out memes."

I looked up, still waiting for the stoplight to turn. The entire thing was still black. No red light, green light, nothing.

I glanced behind us. There was no one else. I inched forward looking down either road. No one. I glanced to Dad.

"What should I do?"

He shrugged looking in either direction. "Go."

I hit the gas, and looked left, right, a car out of nowhere, plowing down the road. It was going to fast. It was heading right for us. There was no time.

There was no time, the bear charged I jumped. Miraculously there was a branch. I grabbed and swung, the bear swiped up, I felt the bears claws graze the back of my shirt.

I let go of the branch and flew through the air, landing behind the bear. I ran, there was the slight hill, I looked behind the bear had turned around. 

I grabbed the closest, biggest, dead branch and broke it off the. The bear stood to its hind legs and roared.

It dropped down and charged. I swung as hard as I could, the branch hit it in the head and broke. But it did veer it off course.

It turned quicker then I could have believed possible, it raised its paw and hit me squarely in the chest. It lifted me from my feet and flung me through the air.

I felt the impact, then my seat belt caught me as the roof hit the road. Then I was lifted and flung back into my seat. This cycle happened for an entirety. I felt the rocking.

I opened my eyes. We were sitting still, the windshield seemed so clean. We were sitting facing directly at the store that had been just off the road.  

I turned, "dad?" Where dad should have been was what looked an unfinished clay doll covered in red and then given to a toddler.

I unbuckled my seat belt and got out. I shoved my door open. I got out and the world went black. When I put weight on my legs they shook.

Maybe James would know what happened to Dad. I stumbled back and opened the back door. James slumped out, I caught him. He was covered in blood. 

"James!?" I unbuckled his seat belt and dragged him out. "James!?" I could see his mouth gasping. I could hear a dull roar that sounded like sirens.  

He was shaking as I clutched at him. Then he went still. "James!?"

My back slammed into a tree and rolled. Falling to the dirt, looking up at the trees. I couldn't breathe, I was the only who had survived, not a scratch on me. Just a mild concussion. 

But now I was going to die. The grizzly bear stepped over me. Looking me directly in eyes. There was nothing that I could do. 

There was nothing I could have done. It wasn't my fault, and now with that thought. I was going to die. 

The bear breathed out. Then blinked, it turned around and walked away. I sat up. The bear walked over to the deer, the it dragged it away.

I stood up, I was alive. I turned around, the mist in the lake was gone, the sun had risen. And the lake, was glistening golden.

I stumbled back to the cabin alive! And physically unhurt. I couldn't believe it, not only was I alive but the weight, the weight that had been drowning me for almost a year was, gone.

I walked back up the steps and tripped in the hole as I went back inside. I opened up a cabinet drawer and dumped it on the ground. The smart phone dropped onto the top of the pile.

I had not looked at, or touched it in close to six months. I held the power button and waited for it to turn on. It did, although it had not been charged in a year, it hadn't been turned on in a year.

I clicked the phone number I had been avoiding call, the person I couldn’t face, the shame, the guilt. It had all drowned me so much that we had not spoken since just a few days after the funeral. I called.

The phone rang once.

“O my God , where are you?! Are you okay?!”

“Hi mom." 

Tears, tears that I had refused to let myself cry. Finally came. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I I never meant any of it. I didn't want any of it to happen."

"It's not your fault. It was never your fault. Now come home. Tell me where you are so we can get you home."

I sunk to the floor. "I am alright and at granddad's cabin."

"Dad didn't, o yeah. Paranoid wasn't he?" She forced a laugh. 

"Can you forgive me?

"No, I can't. Because I already did. I never blamed you. And I have spent the last year praying you to come home."

"I'm coming home. See you soon."

"I love you." 

"I love you too."

I hung up the phone and got up. I doused the fire, fetched my wallet from the other drawer. Then I walked out the door. There was nothing else to be done.

The cabin which had shielded me, and blinded me to my selfishness, anger, and despair was pointless. I didn't need the shield.

I lifted my head, and closed my eyes taking in the sunlight. Then with nothing on my back and just my phone in my pocket. I started walking. 

A ten miles hike to road. Then another ten to town. Then the bus. Then probably a few dozen more.

Then home. I walked into the woods as the sun started glittering off the lake.