The Last Goodbye (May 20, 2022).

“Hey!”

“Yes?” 

“This was fun.” She smiled, and  turned back to face him fully. She had just been walking away from him. “Hey Ren?”

“What is it Jay?” Wendy asked. For some reason he always called her Ren. She had never figured out the reason why. 

He walked back to her. They had been going on a hike. Upon reaching the parking lot, Jay had said goodbye and was walking back to his car and Wendy’s to hers. But now he stood in front of her. 

“I wanted to say goodbye.” Jay said.

Wendy laughed, “you just did.”

Jay shook his head, his eyes were sad. No one noticed because they were normally that way. They had a way of seeing beyond that which was real, and seeing more than most could ever dream. He took a deep breath. Breathing in the spring flowers and listening to the breeze push through the trees as Wendy stared at him wondering what was going on. 

Dingo, Wendy’s dog, also looked up towards the trees following the humans line of sight. Jay looked back at her. “No. This is the final goodbye.”

“What is that supposed to mean? You still don’t leave for another month right?” 

Jay closed his eyes, thinking of what to say. He had taken a summer job up north and then was coming back home to finish his degree. “So I am going to be gone for the summer. And by the time I get back, you will have moved.”

Wendy rolled her eyes. She was moving east, out to New York. “Yes, but it’s not like we will never see each other again. You have my phone number, Instagram, and other stuff right?”

“I do. But it’s not like we have the closest of friendships.”

“Maybe. But I still think of you as a good friend.” Wendy smiled at him. 

“I don’t forget.” Jay said, not able to meet her eyes. 

Wendy frowned, unsure of what he meant. So she asked him that. “What do you mean?”

Jay shuffled his feet and picked at a leaf on a tree. Rolling it in between his fingers. “I don’t forget. Look, my memories are not perfect, I can’t remember directions for crap, or remember every step in recip. But I don’t forget people. Friends I had ten years ago that have long since started a new life without me, I still try to talk to. When you leave, you’re going to get busy and you are going to forget me, everyone always does. I won’t forget you, but I can’t keep doing that. I can’t keep holding onto people that stop caring about me.”

Wendy took a step forward, not sure whether she should give him a hug or not. “Don’t worry Jay, I won’t forget you.” 

He seemed calmer all of a sudden. “Yes you will, and I should forget you too. Which is why this is the last goodbye. But there were a few things I wanted to say before you were gone. May I?”

Wendy put her hands on hip as Dingo sat down. “This isn’t the ‘last goodbye.’ And you are being very rude. But go ahead.”

“I’m sorry I never asked you out. I’ve been meaning to for the last two years.”

Wendy was shocked.

Jay continued. “I am leaving, then you're leaving. This is it. There won’t be any awkwardness, you don’t have to shoot me down. And tell me that you don’t think of me that way. Because there won’t be another interaction between us ever again. I know you don’t feel the same. Or maybe you do, I could never tell, I let fear persuade me into never even trying.”

“I don’t, know, what to say.” Wendy Replied. 

Jay shook his head. “You don’t have to say anything. I just needed to get that off my chest. I knew if I didn’t say something now. That I would regret it for the rest of my life. And this is my last chance.” 

“Jay, it's not like either of us are dying. This isn’t the end. You still have my number.”

“It’s not the same and you know it. I need to let go because this would never work out, especially not now. I am so happy for you that you get to start over somewhere else and live your life to the fullest. I might be speaking just for myself, but neither of us can keep looking back.” Jay looked very earnest and Wendy closed her eyes as she thought. 

“Why do you always have to be right. I keep trying to think of how we can stay in touch. But it’s not the same, is it? I am leaving, and I don’t plan on coming back. I want to see the world. And I am glad you got that off your chest. I am really not sure what else to say. I don’t know how to feel.”

“I’m sorry. I guess it’s just who I am Ren. Goodbye.” Jay turned around and started walking towards his car. 

“Hey wait!” 

Jay turned back around. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you to say those words. And it sucks that it wasn’t until the end that I got to hear them.”

Wendy awkwardly patted Dingo’s head. “You never did tell me why you call me Ren. No one else ever has, where did that come from?” 

“A memory.”

Wendy raised her eyebrows, the breeze blowing her hair back. “What?” 

Jay laughed, “I sound like a madman. But I think it will make sense to you one day. There was a girl I have a memory of.” Jay looked up, towards the blue skies. “A girl that I have never met, from a place I have never been. From long before I met you. It was a grassy plain backed by mountains, a river flowing at the mountain's base. And there she was. It wasn’t my imagination. But memory, I know it was. You remind me of her.”

Wendy giggled. “You’re right. You do sound like a madman. But honestly, I would expect nothing less from you. And for what it's worth. I am sorry we didn’t have more time.” She walked up to him and gave him a hug. He hugged her back. The two stepped away from each other. 

Jay gave a weak smile. “Goodbye. It was an honor getting to know you.”

“Yeah, same. Goodluck.” And she almost said ‘see you soon.’ But bite it back. She had come to realize he was right. This was the last goodbye. The last time either of them would have a real conversion. 

Both turned away from each other, and went to their own cars. Both returning to their homes. And both soon left. But both did think of that final goodbye often for awhile. Jay did as he promised. He let go, after years of failed intentions and regrets of ‘what could have been’ he let go. It took Wendy a little longer as she had never thought of what could have been. But in time, as things are. She let go and moved on. 

But both, even only for a couple of minutes, every couple of years. Thought of that final conversation. And finally, decades later, Wendy realized what Jay meant by a memory of something that had never been. 

Because that’s what it felt like, that what if’s. The maybe’s turned into memories, memories of things that could never be. For those few minutes every couple years both Wendy and Jay would look at their phones and think about calling. But it never did happen, and the two of them never spoke again. For that day had been their final goodbye.