It's Wednesday today, and I am in a place where I don't belong. 

Wild memories buzz around my head, this room, 

this place is not somewhere I am supposed to be. 

Yet I sit here and I write these words anyway, because belonging 

is not dependent on place, because you belong where you choose to be

And where I have chosen to be, 

Is right here, right now. Remembering a time that was long ago. 

I sit and feel like I could melt into this chair. 

The sun is so warm, 

My whole world, everything I care about is right there, 

Just outside the window. O my city, my people, 

you will be okay on this brutal winter Wednesday.

I know what I owe you, I know what you have done for me. 

It's a debt of belonging that I cannot repay, it is a bill forever 

outstanding. My future looks bright today. 

Today as sit in this chair in the sun. 

I'm looking forward to where I am going. 

I can't do it. 

That was it. 

That was all I could think of. 

They deserved more. 

My community, 

My job,

My friends, 

My family, 

The people that loved me. 

They all deserved more than

I can't do it. 

But other words failed me. 

More words don't make it better

More words can't explain it anymore

More words are useless. 

So just know. 

It's not your fault if I say goodbye. 

You couldn't have stopped me. 

My only reason,

My only justification left. 

is that

I can't do it anymore. 

I was never enough. But you knew that. 

I never measured up. But you never cared about that. 

I laid bare before you my sins. Yet you looked on me with favor. 

I begged for forgiveness I did not deserve. Yet you gave it willingly. 

I am the one who mocked you. Yet you took up my mistakes.

I am the one who rejected you. And even still you climbed that hill for me. 

I am worse than those who beat you. Yet you were nailed and bled for me. 

I who am the least deserving of grace. But for me it is that you died,

I cannot repay that kindness. So you never asked me to.

I am the one who trips up and repeats it. And you are the one who is there to pick me up again.

I give it all to you. You say I already had all I needed. 

I turn my face from you, knowing I am unworthy. You look me in the eye, and take me home. 

I don't deserve all you have done for me. You do it again anyway. 

I am the one who will never be enough. You say, I am already enough.

I will never be enough. You love me anyway. 

O quiet snow, drift softly.

O quiet snow, embrace me warmly.

It's the dead of night,

Yet you let the light 

shine brightly. 

Be ye yet but Knightly 

you quiet snow. Light 

Up my dark night 

In this o so soft glow. 

Live

To dream is all we can do. 

To be is all we can be

To live is the highest goal

This is what we can strive for

This is what i find myself looking for

Being all I can be

Through a life that I want to live

Now I need to live

I want to live. 

I want to dream.

Because dreaming is all I can do

Being is what I am. 

Living is all I want.

There will be a day you wake up. 

You will realize that the last time death crossed your mind, 

was a time that you don't remember. 

That day is not today. 

But that day is coming, 

Don't doubt that fact of your existence. 

The day of Freedom is coming. It is coming, and it is hope. 

One just needs to trust. 

Trust. 

Trust that day is coming coming.